Samuel spoke and my mind wandered. I knew that if I
looked at him, I could stay focused, but that is forbidden. A lowly Power such
as I could not dare look upon a Seraphim. His voice was soothing and
comforting, and when he spoke, it made me feel special just because I was in
his presence, special because I was allowed the honor of hearing him speak.
‘Eyes Front’ they would tell us. But his voice… it transcended me. I had to
look away, or I may look upon him. I turned my head and closed my eyes. I tried
to listen, but was distracted by the sweetest sound, a child’s laughter. I
listened intensely and focused on the child. She pulled me to her with the genuine
happiness of a giggle, the sound of pure innocence. It was the most beautiful
vision, a family on the beach, mother, father and two children. I watched as the
children played in the water and with each other, splashing and chasing each
other. And at their parents who stood, proud and overjoyed just watching their
children. I smiled and tears brimmed my eyes. The elation and love they were
feeling was overwhelming. The child turned to her parents and smiled wider than
the sea. The mother opened her arms and the little girl went running into her
embrace. Then she said it. That was when it all started. She told her mother ‘I
love you’. I could actually feel the love they shared, the pure contentment the
mother felt. It was like no other feeling. Tears of joy streamed from my closed
eyes but I didn’t care. I smiled wider and felt the euphoria they created. I could
feel my heart filling with love, replacing the obedience. You see angels’
hearts are different. God fills them with different things, but not love;
obedience, empathy, strength, but not love. I could feel it taking hold, lining
it. Soon the family disappeared and I stood on the shore and lifted my face to
the sun. It was warm and inviting and wrapped itself around me. I was consumed
by it, just as Samuels voice held me, so did the sun.
I couldn’t stop my tears. They were full of joy. Samuel’s
voice returned and I was suddenly back in line, listening to his inspirational
words, but I didn’t dare open my eyes. I knew after what I had just
experienced… It would make me want to gaze upon him even more so. I stood fast
and listened, but my mind wandered. Suddenly it was gone. There were no words
spoken. Then, it happened, his touch. He gently wiped the tears from my cheek.
I was startled and opened my eyes. He was right before me and more beautiful
than I ever could have imagined him to be. He turned his head slightly and
looked at me with confusion in his gaze. “Why do you cry?” I wanted to answer
him, but I couldn’t. My mouth opened but now words would come out. He wiped the
tears from my other cheek and rubbed them between his fingers. He closed his
eyes and took a deep breath then held his hand to his brow. I watched him as
his face showed all the emotions he experienced, the emotions I experienced. He
could see everything that had happened in my tears. Then I saw it in him as
well, a spark in his heart. A spark of what love actually feels like. That was
the spark of my undoing, of my fall.
Copyright © 2012 E.A. Schneider
